See? THIS broad gets it!

/What every girl should do in her twenties...

You must have missed me terribly...

Sorry I've been gone for so long, but I've been really busy doing important things.... like drinking, kicking ass in lawn darts and grilling meat. We have hosted entirely too many parties here this summer. Not too many in the sense that we're tired of daytime drinking, but because every one of our friends has moved on to bigger and better things.

In other news, our trashball neighbors have a rat that my roommate has affectionately named Bishop Brennen. I believe he may be a distant relative of Fuckbag, the raccoon that lived in dumpster of my old apt. We liked Fuckbag so much, we even wrote a song about him. Bishop Brennen? Not so much. I've actually never seen this thing. Roommate may be full of shit.

The house is falling apart. The doors are all kinds of fucked up, but when we call our slumlord over to peep it out, he says "Yeeeeah. We're not really looking to replace any doors right now. These are fine." REALLY?? Which part of the door looks fine? The broken venetian glass slots (had to remove the glass because the duct tape was no longer holding them in), the ripped screen, or the NONEXISTENT HANDLE!???  If you can find something NOT retarded about this door, then you're a better human being.

Also, we have a 75 year old porcelain bathtub, which no matter how many times we scrub/bleach/scour/oxy clean, the bottom stays filthy. The plus side to this permanent filth is the permanent filth has formed a phallic shape on the bottom of the tub.

Awesome, right??