Bieber is the only fever I want.

Baby fever.  Something I can't fathom having. Bieber fever on the other hand.....

First off, why the eff is everyone so gung-ho about having children? I understand (ok, i DON'T understand) the male ego thing of wanting to carry on their family name. In their defense, their only REAL responsibility in this is not pulling out and their job is done. They can peace out.  For men who decide to stick around, this is usually the time they begin working more hours or banging their secretary while we're at home with a vagina the size of the grand canyon, 50 extra lbs  and a messy house.
I, myself  enjoy Guinness/scotch/whiskey for dinner, sleeping in late as well as sleeping in (my bed or strangers beds- not too worried about specifics here). I don't want to have to get up all hours of the night to feed a child. I don't want to get up to get kids ready for school, pack lunches, argue over homework,  practicing, sit through four hour t-ball games when we all know the stupid game is going to be a tie anyways or tell my third grade daughter that just because her friend dresses like a slut, doesn't mean that she should.

I like to travel. Traveling with a baby is essentially destination diaper changing.  I can't fathom a life where my big vacation is a trip to an overpriced, over commercialized Disney Park. Ew. Whats the fun in that? Yes, I know the kids love it, but I need a vacation too. Sans family. That's the reason I travel. To get away from everyone. Once you're married with kids, you all come as a packaged deal.  You can’t stick kids in a kennel like dogs.  I mean, you could, but…..

Also, why the hell would I want to demolish my vagina beyond recognition just to push out something that is going to create more responsibility in my life? I think my kooka is lovely as it is. I would love to keep using it in it's original form. 

When I see a baby, I say oooh and ahhh like a decent human being should. But really? I feel dead inside. Show me a puppy or a shelter dog and I melt..
It's always the parents who are exhausted, stressed out and broke who are always pushing me to have kids. This is proof that misery loves company.
Also, to men that have a child with another woman/women. Unless you are the most intelligent, witty, intuitive, attentive, creative and thoughtful man on the face of this earth, don't even bother. Precious time and money that could be spent on us traveling and drinking fabulous wine are probably being spent on your ill behaved child. Selfish? Absolutely. But also honest.

 (I wish I knew who to credit the above demotivational poster to. It's genius!)