Why dogs are better than boyfriends

Why dogs are better than boyfriends

1.       They don’t want to have sex with you. Wait. Disregard that. That was the last three men I dated.

2.       On the other hand,  my dog used  to hump me before his balls got cut off. A lot. Not gonna lie. The attention was kinda nice. The red lipstick always makes you feel kind of good like “Thanks for noticing. My tits DO look great today!”
U    Unlike my relationship of nearly four years, my dogs actually enjoy spending time with me and don't go to the bar eight days a week. 

3.       I don’t have to cook. They think everything I feed them is the best thing they’ve ever eaten. My dogs eat their own poop. They think I'm Julia Fucking Childs.

4.       Even when come in from getting the mail, running out to the car, etc, they are soo exited to see me. When was the last time YOUR man even batted an eye when you returned. From a two week work trip. 10 lbs thinner and with a new haircut.yeah. That's what I thought.

5.       They don’t care about your personal grooming habits.... as long as you’ve got a jar of peanut butter. 

6. They like to cuddle and they LOVE morning breath. 

Shit. I'm never dating again.