kids.

 So, one of the awesome things about being a teacher is that kids LOVE to make shit for me. Let me just give this little girl props right now for her mad oragami skillz (shown below).

Convo with a little boy student following said gifter, "Miss Nancy, What is that paper thingy?"  Me "Well, Joey, that's a cootie catcher." "What are cooties and why do we need to catch them?" he asks. So, I then try to explain that cooties are imaginary germs that boys get from girls and vice versa, being very careful to stress that they are PRETEND silly germs. "But, it I don't get it. If they're pretend, why do we talk about it? Are they little white things like this?" as he pinches his little arm. I then get onto the trusty interwebs to try to wiki this shit.

Wiki gave me this "Cooties is, in childlore, a kind of infectious disease. The term may have originated with references to lice, fleas, and other parasites. A child is said to "catch" cooties through any form of bodily contact, proximity, or touching of an "infected" person or from a person of the opposite sex of the same age. Often the "infected" person is someone who is perceived as "different" and bears some kind of social stigma: of the opposite sex, disabled, someone who is shy or withdrawn, someone who has peculiar mannerisms, etc"

Fuck. Childhood infectious disease. Thank you, Wiki. You're a big helper.

Cootie catcher for kids.

Cootie catcher for adults.

shopping

So, I've been shopping lately. A LOT. Not finding what I need because I NEED it and am working with a limited window of time. Until I saw THIS. I'm gonna give that Jersey Shore bitch a run for her money. I think it will be perfect for the symphony and my church gig. Also, look at all that extra room on the sides. You know how much Taco Bell I could house wearing this thing??!! I know, I know. What about if I get cold? Well, at church, I will be covered up in a lovely polyester choir robe.

When I get dressed up to go places like Dollar General and Walmarts, I will wear this

I loved it so much, I had to buy it off the back of some broad with a mullet in Vicky's Secret.

WTF?

WHY DO ADULTS DECORATE THEIR CAR WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?? 
I don't get it. These are the same women who probably enjoy reading the Cathy comic strip, have cats, shop on QVC and collect china dolls. Unfortunately, I took a really shitty picture here. Besides the dog on the dashboard, this driver also had a collection of at least 8-10 Webkins hanging from her rear view mirror. She appeared pretty normal and her potential for getting laid was pretty decent. Why does she have to fuck it up by having a car full of stuffed animals? Does she have daddy issues? I can't figure it out. The worst car I ever saw was parked beside me at the post office last year. The entire dash and back window were packed with perfectly arranged Beanie Babies. You KNOW I had to sit in my car like a creeper to see who it belonged to. To my surprise, the car belonged to a middle aged man wearing shorts, socks and sandals who was waaaaaay creepier than me. (well, the car owner being a man was a surprise, not the creeper part). I'm going to start taking pics of adults with stuffed animals in cars and add to this....feel free to send me pics of creepers YOU see......

I saw awesome shit today

 Like this. Red mustang + Weightlifting reference on license plate= biggest douche ever. I'll bet he has no neck and wears Affliction t-shirts.

 Um, no thanks. I'm pretty sure if I had a kid, he would spell better this this asshole.

Aaaaand speaking of spelling, this was the prize for the first loser in the spelling bee I was in tonight. It was held at a bar and they gave out endangered species condoms to the first one out. I, unfortunately, won an April 2010 issue of GQ with Shia LaBeouf on the cover. I brought it home. I'll read it at work tomorrow. I'll study up on what men want in a woman. Hope things haven't changed in the past year. Not that it matters. I'm sure I don't do anything on their list anyway.